Work is for people who don't know how to fish.
Q. Why are crabs "tight" with their money?
A. Because they are shellfish.
A. Because they are shellfish.
My best friend ran away with my wife. I sure will miss him.
My girlfriend said she was leaving me because of my obsession with the 60's group, the Monkees. I said, "I don't believe it." Then I saw her face.
Q. Why don't "melons" run away and get married?
A. They "cantaloupe."
A. They "cantaloupe."
I once feared "climbing walls." I finally got over it.
Bomb goes off at local dairy farm causing udder destruction.
Last night my wife wanted me to take her to a "new" place to eat. I took her to the kitchen.
I once smoked dynamite. It blew my mind.
Man who quarrels with wife all day gets no piece at night.
Q. Why did the astronaut break up with his girlfriend?
A. He needed space.
A. He needed space.
I used to work in a bank but I lost interest.
When I yawn, do deaf people think I'm screaming?
Why didn't God make me rich, instead of good looking?
Work is ok, but the eight hour wait to go home is a killer.
Everybody should believe in something. I believe I'l have another beer.
Q. What do you call a "milkless" cow?
A. An "udder" failure.
A. An "udder" failure.
You know you're getting old when the candles cost more than the cake.
A prison bus crashed into a cement truck. Twelve "hardened" criminals escaped.
I was going to join the "debate team" in high school, but someone talked me out of it.
Words that you will never hear a redneck say: "I'll take Mozart for five hundred, Alex."
Whoever said, "Sicks and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me," has never been hit with a dictionary.
A recent survey shows that 25% of women take medication for mental illness. The remaining 75% of women are untreated.
I started out in life with nothing. I still have most of it left.
Yo mamma is so big that if she had to haul ass, it would take her 2 trips.
Attention!
Do not accept a friend request from Billy Joe MacAllister. He jumped off the Tallahatchie Bridge.
I was addicted to Subway sandwichees. I quit cold turkey.
Someone told me a REO Speedwagon joke. I heard it from a friend, who, heard from a friend, who, heard it from another.
Q. Why did the cookie cry?
A. His father was a wafer for so long.
A. His father was a wafer for so long.
If my sex life were a library book, it would be "overdue."
What would happen if you had a "heart attack" during a game of charades?
I loaned my buddy $10,000 for plastic surgery. I can't collect because I don't know what he looks like.
What a "crappy" day. My wife got hit by a bus and I was fired from my job as a bus driver.
Why do people turn down the car radio when they are lost?
My girlfriend works at the zoo. I think she's a keeper.
A weasel walks into a bar. The bartender says, "Hey, buddy, what can I get you?" "POP," goes the weasel.
Some people donate money to the "homeless." I donate money to the "topless."
Yo mamma is so lazy that she won "American Idle."
*One-liners and short jokes, old and new, are presented to a diverse demographic audience of FACEBOOK users. Their replies, non-replies, and comments to each joke are recorded, tabulated, and statistically scored. Scores are inputted in a scientifically formulated algorithm that rates each joke as Liked or Loved, or neither. Presented here are the best of each.
LOVE THIS JOKE
PAGE TWO
LOVE THIS JOKE
PAGES
WARNING
Using the funny short jokes and one-liners from LikeThisJoke.com may make you MORE popular, attractive to the opposite sex, confident, cheerful, lively, suave, approachable, debonair, interesting, likeable, lovable, and sexy. Please use with caution.
THE ORIGINAL SECTION: LIKE THIS JOKE
-The best "LIKED" one-liners and short jokes on FACEBOOK!-